Only Time

 It always amazes me when I start out to write a new bog post and realize it has been over a month since my last one. "A month has passed already?" I think to myself. I mean, I'm here for 12 months, and just like that I lived out nearly 10% of it? Wow.

I've been back in Haiti for about a month. I visited home and did a small side job in North Carolina. I came back to Haiti absolutely refreshed. It was like coming here for the first time to move in again. One month later, I am happy to say that I'm still riding on that Haiti high.

The biggest event since I've been back was definitely Hurricane Isaac, which caused quite the commotion in trying to prepare for a natural disaster. We were hit with heavy rains, but spared the torrential winds and downpour that hit Port au Prince and the south of Haiti. My friends in Port au Prince experienced some scary nights while the hurricane passed them, but I'm happy to report that everyone I know was kept safe. I know not all of Port au Prince was so lucky.. many tent cities were destroyed by the winds and rain.

On a lighter note, I've started back into running. There have been a couple of avid runners volunteering here so my mornings now start with a 6am run through the countryside or mountains. I really enjoy it, especially my chocolate banana protein shake I treat myself to after every run! The trails that used to kill me, I now find myself adding extra loops onto for a longer run. I feel stronger and healthier and I sneak peaks at my biceps to check if they're any bigger from my pushups ;) Not quite yet...

I'm still spending the majority of my nursing time in the Emergency Room, but these past couple weeks there have been some interesting opportunities for me to get involved with. Last week we had a laproscopic surgery team here and I watched several surgeries. I learned about intubation and watched closely as the anesthesiologist performed it. I hope to try it myself on a patient the next time we have a surgical team here. I also had hands-on experience with sutures. I feel much more comfortable with this skill now and I have a lot of fun doing it. I love the transformation of a dirty, messy wound into something clean and neat. It looks so much better after a little cleaning and stitching.

Last week we had a professional journalist and photographer here. He is working on some pieces for the hospital's website and magazine. One of his projects was to follow me to Michelet's home to get some footage to go along with the article I wrote on him (the magazine will be published later this month). It was so much fun to bring the photographer along on my adventure and an honor that he could capture some of these moments for me! I will post the link to the article and videos when they are finished.

 This week we have a respiratory therapist team here and I've been sitting in on lectures. Yesterday I learned more about using ventilators. The once frightening and complex machine is starting to feel less intimidating to me. Now I just have to learn how to turn the obnoxious alarms off! Today I'm learning about respiratory infections, specifically RSV and bronchiolitis and how to care for a patient fighting this sickness.

My Kreyol is coming along and I can easily carry on conversation. I've gotten to the point that I can understand all or most of what the patients tell me about their medical conditions and sometimes I help translate for the other American volunteers. I'm still practicing understanding when people speak quickly or when the eldery speak- those are the two most difficult situations for me.

I don't think I've mentioned it yet... it is HOT here. This past month has definitely been the hottest of my time here. I find myself napping at lunch time and am thoroughly exhausted at the end of the day, all of which I attribute to the this hot, muggy weather. The good thing is that it still cools of pretty nicely at night so it's comfortable to sleep. I think the temperature drops a little in October or November. Honestly though, I had heard so many complaints about the summers here and I'm happy to see that I made it through it and it's really not all that bad! I'll take a hot summer like this over a wintry Minnesota day easily :)

I'm starting to consider my next steps after this year. I've been presented with some really great opportunities in various hospitals around the US. This year has really opened a lot of doors for me. It's interesting though, because as exciting as new opportunity sounds to me,  I'm not sure I'm ready to leave Haiti. It has taken me SO long to get to where I am. So many sacrifices, embarassing moments, hard and lonely moments, confusing or stressful moments... and here I am and it's finally all coming together and I'm getting this whole life-in-Haiti thing down. Can I really pack up now?  That's the question on my mind. I still have time to think about it. I'm not stressed about it, I'm just curious about what it would look like to stay longer.. so I'll end my blog post with  that unanswered question. I'll just let it hang there in suspense and maybe next time I come around to blogging I'll have some more thoughts or answers. For now, I'm content with knowing where I'll be today, tomorrow, next week and next month, and I'm happy to know that place is Milot, Haiti.


A photo taken while I was visiting Michelet's family. His mom and dad are front center.

A view from the top of the mountain. Haiti is so beautiful.

The Secrets of Helping Others

I'm still learning about how to live among the poor. The biggest challenge is to keep loving them and keep caring about them each day. They don't go away. They are always at my gate, they always walk alongside me to and from work or hang around outside of any restaurant I go to, they wait at the airport for the sight of the car I ride in and rush to open my door for me. They see hope in me solely because of the color of my skin and it's not easy to live up to the expectations they have for me. They want a solution to their problems, they want a chance at a better life, they would like a job so they can provide for themselves.

In my past I had experience with beggars every now and again when I'd be in certain neighborhoods in Minneapolis. My upbringing taught me to lock the car doors in those neighborhoods and not make eye contact with the people holding their signs on the corner. There was an un-stated, but strongly felt sense that they should be doing something to help themselves and it was not my responsibility to help them. This mentality has been hard to shake in Haiti. It's true I came to help the Hatians, but it's easier to decide the way I want to help and to ignore the rest of the people. To have a very narrow view on who to help because the real life picture is too big and overwhelming. God has really been working on my heart for this. Sometimes before I go to the airport, I consciously choose not to bring any money so that I will not feel bad when I tell the kids that I have nothing to give them. That's what my flesh tells me to do and that's what I think I want to do. But usually I reluctantly grab a handful of one dollar bills and stuff them into my pocket. A couple days ago I was at the airport again and I had a bunch of kids come over and clean the mini-bus we drove in. They picked up the trash inside the car and scrubbed the outside. There were 5 or 6 kids in all. While they were cleaning one of them said something to me in Kreyol that I didn't quite catch. He repeated it for me in English " God is really going to bless you. You help us and give us a job." It made me smile, and then feel guilty that I almost didn't bring money for them that day. I guess those few words put everything back in perspective for me, and yeah.. it also made me feel like the kids appreciate what I'm trying to do for them. I said "thanks" and sat in my school bus seat really moved by the child's words. It's all about Jesus anyways. I help them cause I love Jesus and He tells me to help the poor. And they see that I'm helping them and they know Jesus sent me to them. I didn't even need to whisper His name... His movements were loud enough to speak for themselves.

Something exciting has happened... I didn't even ask, and people have started funding me to be able to do awesome things such as feeding the street kids and helping out other people I see in need. I've sent two kids back to school after their parents couldn't pay for their last trimester of school, given the kids at the airport a job every time I see them, paid for medical bills and medication for a family that couldn't afford it, and I have a free community clinic planned  for July 14th that was fully funded before I ever asked for a dime. Tonight I was able to support a local highschooler who spent months on a painting he would sell in hopes of having enough money to pay for a test he needs to take to apply for college. I tried to encourage our volunteers to buy the painting, but it was too expensive. I negotiated a little bit on the price and then bought the painting. Not for my sake or because I wanted a new painting.. but for his sake. He worked hard and for an honest cause. I'm trying to learn the art of helping others. I want to do it the right way. I want to be helping them in the long run... right now I see the easiest way is to give them small jobs. Sometimes I don't need their help, but I get creative in finding ways the Haitians can help me so that they can learn to work for what they want. I have a special heart for kids so they are my main target population, but I try to listen to everyone. Sometimes I buy a plate of food for the disabled and the elderly without anything in return.. those are some that I cannot think of a job for yet, but do not want to ignore. The interesting part of it all is that I always, ALWAYS feel joy after giving. I never miss the money or even think about it once it is spent. It is so right to help the poor. There is something inside of us that lies and makes us think that we shouldn't help other people and if we listen then we miss out on blessing others and increasing our own happiness.

The original painting done by the high school student. It is beautiful and intricate!

Giving to the poor is more impacting on the wealthy than on those in need. Sometimes the giver is more in need of giving than the needy is in receiving.

Feed the hungry, clothe the naked

I've acquired a new posse. Today our bonds grew deeper and stronger.

I walk the same dirt path almost daily to the little town a mile and half away. My typical walk includes several kids yelling and pointing at me because I am white. They are fascinated. They run to me barefoot and usually naked or missing several key pieces of clothing. They would also like a piece of candy or dollar and figure maybe they can squeeze one out of me. So I guess I'm a bit of a hopeful sign, because often times I do have candy. A few boys stick by me after the candy is gone, come to hold my hand and walk with me even when I don't have anything to give them. Last week I started carrying a frisbee with me on my walks and we play frisbee as we walk the path together. Today a teenage girl joined us. She knew my name and I vaguely remembered meeting her on this path before. She claimed a spot on my left side and left the little boys to share my right side. Our fingers locked together as we held hands and conversation flowed freely. She told me that she does manicures and pedicures and we planned that one day I will bring my laptop to her home and we can watch a movie together. She is happy-go-lucky, as thin as a rail, has a beautiful smile and is kind.

We now had 4 in our group, and with me this made 5. The kids are really good at sharing. They took over carrying my purse and carrying my frisbee. They would pass out candy to other kids and make sure each person had one piece. They shared the frisbee with the kids we walked by. They asked me where I was headed and when I told them, they said they would walk the whole way. I knew the walk, my visit to Michelet's home, and  then my walk home takes quite a lot of time. It shouldn't surprise me anymore, but they didn't even have to tell a parent or anyone where they were going. Only the oldest girl had sandals on. The others walked barefoot on the rocky road that I sometimes stumbled on even with my sandals sturdily guarding my feet. When we arrived to Michelet's house, the sight of his mother horrified me. I don't know if my words do justice to what I experienced today. Michelet's mom has been very sick the past few days. She is completely out of it- no speaking or eating. She lies lifeless. The only sign of life are her blinking eyes and rising chest as she breathes. I saw her like this two days ago and gave the dad money to bring her on a moto to a hospital. I'm not sure what happened, but today she was back home, but not any better.

I walked into their home as I always do. I usually look for Michelet first and scoop him into my arms to hold him.  The first sight upon entering the room was the mom lying on the mud floor of the hut, almost naked, spare her underwear. She was covered head to toe in dirt and she had clearly soiled herself. She was all alone in the room. Her mouth was full of dirt and mosquitoes were flying around her eyes and making their way into her open mouth. I couldn't believe she was lying here alone when she lives with so many sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews and her mother-in-law. Why wasn't anyone helping her? They family explained that she would not stay in bed that she had already been bathed twice that day.  I asked for the gloves I had brought them a few days ago. I put them on and my new teenage friend put on a pair too. I said we needed to give Michelet's mom another bath. She was filthy and deserved more respect then this. It was not a pleasant experience. Her body was dead weight and we had to pick up every pound on our own to move her body. We scrubbed and cleansed. Her 70 something year-old mother in law helped, but the rest of the crowd just stood and watched. For the sake of dignity I asked that if they were not helping that they would not stand and stare, but my pleas made no difference.

Michelet's mom screamed, then broke into a hysterical laugh. Not the joyful kind of laugh, but the terrifying, evil type of laugh. There was dirt in her mouth that seeped through her missing teeth. I hoped I wasn't exposing the kids to something more than they could handle. The neighbors and kids that she lives with laughed at her and mocked her as she howled and cackled. I told the kids I came with not to laugh and they listened and continued helping me. I asked the others to stop laughing. That if they were sick like this, they would want people to stop laughing and to help them instead. It made me sad about the Haitian culture. We dried her body and put on clean underwear and a clean dress, laid out a new sheet on the floor and placed her head on a pillow. I left them with a plate of food and instructed the grandma to feed the smallest kids the meat. I had only eaten half of my lunch  and skipped out on eating meat so that I could save the rest of my food for them. Funny how in the US, we were all raised hearing the cliche "what about the starving kids in Africa?" when we wasted food. Now it's so much more practical. Every time I eat less or waste less, it means I can give more to one of the hungry kids or families that lives right outside my gates. Imagine that.

We walked back the same way we started the afternoon- hand in hand and taking breaks along the way to throw the frisbee or pass out more candy. The boys were trying to teach me a song in Kreyol. The kids had given their whole afternoon to helping a family they didn't know, to holding my hand and to supporting me as I acted on a conviction I had in my heart to help a sick person. I am so proud of my friends :)

My friend Kervens, who accompanies me on my walks :)

Pura Vida en Costa Rica

I made it safely to Costa Rica. The trip started out as quite the adventure and there have been a few more little aventures along the way. Adventure 1, my luggage did not make it with me to Costa Rica. (Gretchen?! My fears were not made up!) Also, for the first time ever, I did not have a roll along carryon with necessities. That means, I had the dress I was wearing, a couple clean pairs of undies I stuffed in my purse (just in case!) and my electronics. The airlines were very nice in trying to help me find my luggage, but the truth was that they had no idea where it was. They said Haiti uses a different way of tracking luggage and so they couldn´t locate my luggage in their system. I let them know that I had my bag in Miami and checked it back in. So I knew it made it that far. They woul try to find my suitcase and then hopefully it would come in on one of the 3 flights the next day. Then they would drive it to my Dad´s little town of Mata de Limon. My dad gave a 10 minute instruction on how to find his house. There´s not exactly a well known address. In fact, most people have never heard of his town. I wasn´t expecting to see my luggage anytime soon.

Minor addition. Adventure 2 was that hot sauce I brought for my dad spilled all over everything in my suitcase. 4 loads of laundry later and a thorough job of srubbing down my suitcase, and everything is clean again!

It was about 9pm by the time I made it outside the airport. My dad was pacing the pavement outside the doors. Clearly he had been worried that I wasn´t on my flight. I explained what happened and BEGGED to stop somewhere so I could scavenge for  a few things to make up for my lost luggage. Pajamas? Deoderant? A toothbrush? Simple requests at this point. He was doubtful anything would be open. Good news... they now have a Walmart in San Jose! I thought he was joking when he told me. I had never been so happy for the chance to go to Walmart! I stocked up on face makeup and mascara, sunscreen lotion, a pair of sweatshorts, and a swimsuit. Unfortunately, I didn´t try it on and the swimsuit was very unflattering and tight in all the wrong places. $10 doesn´t buy a good suit! Luckily, none of the costs would burden me. The airlines gave me up to $125 they would reimburse me for.

After many MANY calls the next morning  to the airport in San Jose and then to American Airlines in the USA, my bag was finally located! Turns out that over 20 bags had not made it along with mine. It would be on the first flight of the day in! I was so happy to see the car carrying my bag bumping along the traintracks along the path to my dad´s house later that afternoon!

It has been very hot here. Usually in the 90s. I have been lucky to be here for the second rain since January. It has been hot and dry the last few months so the rain was welcomed! My days here consist of Cribbage games with dad, reading ( I just started the Twilight series), taking walks in his town, and going to the nearby ocean for swimming. Time goes by so slowly here, but in a good way.

Last night was adventure 3. I came back from a night run to find my room swarmed with flying ants. They were everywhere!! They were jumping on my bed, my body and all over my room! My dad came running in with some sort of poison and sprayed down every ant we could find. I was releived when they were all dead. We swept up hundreds of dead ant bodies. I got up after a few hours of restless sleep. I kept praying to God that I would relax and sleep. I left my room to go to the bathroom and realized I was probably poisoning myself by sleeping in the room. I didn´t realize how strong the chemicals were until I was out of my room. Thankful that I had woken up with still a few brain cells in tact, I headed into the living room and slept on a couch the rest of the night.

Today I went into a nearby city of Puntarenas. It has a port that a lot of cruise ships stop in. There are little vendors sprinkled across the ocean front. I bought a sarong and a cowboy hat. Two things that will make my beach experience just a little better! My towel that I have right now is smaller than my body and I leave the beach with black sand all over me and even in my hait. I found beaufiful fruit at a fruit stand here. Pineapple, Papaya, Mangoes, and even APPLES! I never get to eat apples in Haiti. Such a treat. I am looking forward to an afternoon of fruit when we get back to my dad´s house!

So, that is Costa Rica for now! I don´t have any other adventures to share. Oddly, I miss Haiti a little already. I definately miss speaking Kreyol. I´m pretty annoyed with Spanish and it is not nearly as fun as speaking Kreyol!

What's Happening Around Milot

As stated in my last blog post, since coming back to Haiti I have made more efforts to get involed in the community that I live in. Our community health services that we offer at Hospital Sacre Coeur have always perplexed me a little bit. The buildings are somewhat hidden in the back of the hospital. Whenever giving my tours of the hospital to the volunteers, I held my breath as we walked past this part of the hospital hoping that I wouldn't have to answer any questions about it. Truth is, I had a lot to learn about how the hospital services people in  Milot and the surrounding towns.

Last week I went along with the community health nurses to a few of the neighboring schools in the area. I feel a little embarassed to admit that I didn't even realize how many schools were just around the corner from where I live. I guess they are marked a little differently than the schools in the United States. There aren't big yellow school buses, playgrounds, or blaring school bells to help me target where these hundreds of kids in their cute uniforms file into each day. I'd say that there are at least a couple dozen schools within walking distance from the gates of Crudem.

 I wasn't sure how I would participate in the cholera education with my somewhat limited Kreyol skills. The Haitian nurse I was with wanted me to split the teaching with her. We compromised that I would teach the handwashing portion of the class. I came with nothing prepared, without any props, without any forethought on how I would teach using the vocabulary that I knew. I stood behind the Haitian nurse as she taught the kids all about the ways they can contract cholera, how to take care of family members with cholera while keeping themselves safe, how to prepare their food and how to purify the water they drink. I was multitasking to say the least. I was trying to understand her Kreyol and make sure I wouldn't repeat anything that she was already teaching the kids. At the same time, I was trying to think of a creative way to interact with the kids. I mean, I'm white, so that's pretty amusing to them in and of itself... but regardless, I wanted them to have fun learning about how to wash their hands.

Suddenly everyone was looking at me. I had missed my cue that it was now my turn to talk. I smiled and introduced myself. The kids were eager to say "bonswa" (Good Afternoon) back to me. I explained that I wanted to teach them a song that they could sing while they washed their hands. I wrote the alphabet on the chalkboard and taught them each of the letters. Next, I sang the "ABCs" for them. I showed them the way to wash their hands, how to include their wrists, fingers, nails and back side of the hand when they washed. I told them that when they start singing the ABCs they can start washing their hands and that they had to continue scrubbing until the song was over. That was how they could know they washed their hands long enough. We sang and srubbed several times and at the end of the class I had volunteers come in front of the class and show how to do it. The volunteers were given a picture book on Cholera as a prize for helping. The kids loved the activity and I loved hanging out with them! Another plus is that now when I walk the streets of Milot many of the kids remember my name and come talk to me as we walk together!

Inside the community health office of the hospital 

This week I was involved with the MMR and polio vaccinations. There is a huge campaign at the hospital right now to outreach to all of the neighboring schools and complete vaccinations for all children under 10 years of age. The community health office at the hospital is full of life-size charts with it mapped out where each "team" of nurses will go on any given day. At the end of the day all of the number are recorded on a detailed form and handed back into the community health office.

Vaccinations are done differently in Haiti. In Haiti, the vaccines are done in the left upper arm, just a little below the deltoid. It is always done here because as they age, a keloid will form and they will have a scar marking their vaccination. One of the nurses in administration at the hospital proudly pulled out her arm to show me where her scar still stands out, even after over 30 years.  They do it that way so that there is no question whether or not they had the vaccine.

 My favorite age to work with was 3-4 year olds. Some were very frightened and in tears before I even pulled out the needle. Others came in and said they were not afraid and would not cry. They looked so little. Many of them made me promise I wouldn't poke them hard with my needle. Today we did almost 150 vaccinations! I'm excited about the opportunities I have to get to know the community better through my work at the hospital. Next steps will be getting to know the prenatal outreach, HIV and Aids services and the medika mamba program.

Kids in the courtyard of their school before the vaccinations

Giving one of my patients his injection!

The rain is pouring down hard now. It is our 4th consecutive cloudy/rainy day. It's Friday night and it feels like a great time to dig out my last bag of microwave popcorn and watch a movie.  I may have to torture the guys here with another chick flick ;) Bon nuit! (Good night)