When Poverty Consumes Me

I'm going on three months of living here in Haiti. Each day I see this country a little different than the last. Each week I learn a new word in Creole. Each day I have a slightly different perspective on life.

I sat at the airport today and had some time to think. I had just dropped off one medical team and was waiting for the next to arrive. It was one of the few hours here I found myself sitting doing absolutely nothing. I had time to think, to process, to question and to search for answers from what little I know of life. I must mention that while I was having these very deep moments by myself, the driver was fast asleep in the back of the truck, and my thoughts were frequently interrupted by little boys knocking on my window asking for food or money. The first knock was lucky and received the granola bar I had stashed in my pocket to get me through the morning at the airport. After that, I didn't have anything to offer. I wished that their pleas didn't make me feel so uncomfortable. It made me feel guilty for being annoyed. I didn't want to look at them, I wanted them to go away and then I could better ignore the poverty around me. All I could say in return to their plea for a gift of food or money was "Mwen pa gen" translated into English- " I don't have any." Although it may have been true for the moment, it seemed we both knew I was lying. How could I sit in a car, well-dressed, well-fed, shaded from the scorch of the day and possibly say I didn't have anything to give while the little boy in front of me stood in his tattered shirt and shorts, shoes with holes in them, and a shoe-shine box attached to his hip? I looked into his eyes  and the eyes of the many other kids that came after him and wondered what Jesus would do. I knew he would do it better than I could.

Life in Haiti has so twisted my views on what poverty is. I look at Baby Michelet and his family and I want so badly to help them. I am overwhelmed with a list of what they need- a house that doesn't leak, a mattress to sleep on, a crib for the baby, diapers, food, baby formula, clothes for the kids and mom and dad, a job for dad so he can provide for his family, a bathroom... The thing is, that most Haitians do not have these things, so I can't figure out what is a need and what is a luxury.

 This past week I brought some volunteers to see Baby Michelet and his house. On their last night here, they shared with the group the highlights of their trip. One man said his was seeing where Baby Michelet lived. He was amazed at how little the family had and how they were still smiling.

 I had started brainstorming of fundraisers and ideas of how to raise money for his family, and it exhausted me because I couldn't figure out what to help them with first. I made an agreement with God, that what he puts in my hand to give to them, I will give. Last week I was going to visit Michelet and I wanted to bring diapers for him. I asked the Sister that lives here if she had any diapers and she did not. I was planning to buy diapers on the side of the road on my way to his home, but I didn't.  I did my home visit and found the newborn wearing toddler size undies, stuffed with cloths to absorb his pee. The underwear were so big, they went all the way up to his arm-pits. The next day the Sister called me and said she had a bag of clothes, formula and diapers that a medical team had just brought her. I could bring some of these things to Michelet. I guess I've come to the conclusion that I can't figure things out on my own. I can't solve Haiti's problems or fix the poverty the nation suffers from, but I can give what I have and I can do what I've been called to do.  So from now on, I sit in patience and when something is given to me, then I am all the more equipped to give it away, and to be able to bless other people.

I wonder what it would look like if I had this same reliance for my own needs. What if I stopped planning, saving for and predicting my future and instead lived my life for each day. I wonder what treasures would lie in that complete dependence on God and his provision for me. The Haitians have a phrase that they say after every statement they make about the future. That statement is, "Si Bondye vle"- If God wants. Sometimes it almost seems robotic the way that they religiously repeat whether they are talking about the next day, month, or year. I guess life has taught them that God's plans prevail and that tomorrow will be whatever God has planned for them. At first the sentence annoyed me because I love planning and I felt like that statement meant my plans might not happen, then I thought it was kind of funny how they always repeated it, and now I have respect for the statement and I admire the Haitians for their fear of the Lord.

So that's the mental mess that I'm going through in the midst of this awesome life experience. I think that this is my life, that Haiti feels more like home than any place I've known before.For some reason I'm more content with less food options, volunteering instead of having a real job, dirt on my feet, and playing with kids on the street than the luxuries and comfort of life in America.  I don't know how long I'm supposed to be here, or what I'll be doing next and I'm trying hard not to focus on these unknowns. I don't want to be distracted from now- from the babies in the NICU, the Haitian kids of the doctors that live on the same compound as me, from baby Michelet, from the volunteers I'm looking after, from the responsibilities I have here and the chances I have to make a positive impact on the great things happening at this little hospital.

Walking home from church on Sunday

Haiti’s Unexpected Exceeds My Expectations

The title of this blog wraps up my last two weeks. The hospital in Milot temporarily closing left me no choice but to leave until things settled in my little town. I had the option to return home for some rest, but it felt like defeat to leave Haiti because of a few bumps in the plans. On top of that, I still wake up every morning so happy to be in Haiti, so I wasn’t ready to take a break from that joy. After thinking through my options, I headed to Children of the Promise (http://childrenofthepromise.org/)

Under the mango tree at COTP

I’ve bragged about this place before and affectionately called it a “baby heaven.” It’s located about 40 minutes from Milot in a little town called Lagosette. I stayed in dorm rooms with some other girls my age and had a healthy mix of baby time and relaxation. I was surrounded with 60 little ones under the age of 2.  I’d wake up in the morning, have an awesome breakfast of Crepes and syrup, and then start my day with the kids. The nights were a healthy change of pace for me. I was able to play card games and hang out with some of the American volunteers, which I hadn’t done for a few months. It felt good to be just one of the crowd and not feel like I had to lead any of the volunteers or be responsible for them.

 The Children of the Promise nurse was out of a town, so I had some nursing things that I was able to step in and help with. There was nasty ringworm of the head spreading to lots of the babies, so I spent a good part of the day bathing the kids, scrubbing their heads, cleaning them up and giving them medication. The good thing is that these efforts were not fruitless and the ringworm started to clear up. The hardest nursing task that I had to do while there was pulling maggots out of a little boy’s head. I will save the details because I literally had trouble sleeping after seeing that! I was very challenged by the nursing tasks I was presented with at the infant care center, and I was looking forward to when their nurse would return.  

My highlight of staying at Children of the promise was a celebrating a birthday for two of the babies. I spent the morning making the cakes with one of the birthday toddlers and then after nap time all of the babies got dressed up and we had a birthday party complete with cake and singing. The birthday toddlers had the dibs on their cake and did the typical ‘fist in the cake, frosting on the face’ ritual to start out the party.

After about a week at Children of the Promise, their nurse returned and shortly after I packed up my bags. My friend Gretchen Olson moved to Haiti at the beginning of February  for a 3 month stint of overseeing  Grace Village an orphanage in the town of Titanye that is supported by Healing Haiti (http://healinghaiti.org/pages/GraceVillage/) It is located about an hour outside of Port au Prince.  I decided to take the break I had been given to spend some time with Gretchen and see all that she was doing.

I took a 20 minute plane ride from Cap Haitian to Port au Prince. It was quite the Haitian experience. My plane was tiny.. TINY. I had a laminated ticket that looked like those cheesy bookmarks you get in grade school.  I handed the flight attendant my ticket and walked up the stairs onto the plane. There were maybe 20 seats total on the plane. I had a window seat which wasn’t hard to grab considering there was only a single line of seats on one side of the plane so most seats on the plane were window seats! There was zero leg room and no overhead compartment. There was just enough room for me to sandwich my backpack between my lap and the seat in front of me. It was only a 20 minute flight.

I had been warned by my Haitian friends that it was a terrifying ride, but I figured they were a little biased considering they hate flying in general. About 10 minutes into the flight I wondered if our plane was going down. We were bouncing in the sky and I imagined crashing into a mountain.  I was hoping that a plane crash wouldn’t hurt. Maybe I would go unconscious before feeling all of the pain. No one on the plane was screaming, so I chanced it that maybe this was a normal flight. Soon enough, we landed safety on the dirt runway in Port au Prince.  I followed people off the plane and we waited by the entrance into the airport. About 5 minutes later, our luggage was wheeled to us and we picked up our bags and left. Such an easy day of travelling! I walked out the doors of the airport and heard a familiar shout of my name. It wasn’t hard to spot the cute blonde shouting my name. It was Gretchen.

We piled into a Healing Haiti car. Before we headed to the orphanage, we made a quick stop at a big supermarket in Port au Prince. It was one of the little girl’s birthdays so we wanted to pick up a gift for her.  I also jumped at the opportunity to stock up on some groceries at a grocery store that was bigger than the closet-sized ones I had access to in the North. I left with a bag full of cereal, soymilk, apple juice, wheat bread, cheese and vanilla ice cream. We chose a pair of purple sparkly sandals for the birthday girl. After a bumpy and slow moving trek through traffic, we made it to the orphanage just before the bed time. Gretchen had been telling the kids about me for days before my arrival, so everyone expected me. I could tell how much the kids loved Gretchen just by how excited they were to meet a friend of hers. I was tackled by teen-aged girls who wrapped their arms around my waist and danced to a chant of my name.  It was time for the nightly  worship so I followed the kids into their dining area. Gretchen did a formal introduction and the the kids sang welcome songs to me. After that their Haitian guardian led a nightly worship service. Several of the kids had a chance to use the microphone to sing solos. They love performing!

The walls of Grace Village

A beautiful sunset. My view each night. 

I had a great experience at Grace Village. The biggest highlight was getting to spend so much time with Gretchen. We worked with the kids all day and at night when they were sleeping, we had time to talk, pray together, and hash through our Haiti thoughts and uncertainties about what the future holds.  I am so proud of the work Gretchen is doing with the kids there. She is mother, administrator, nurse, friend, cleaning lady, etc. She does her job gracefully and naturally.

Being with the kids was such a blessing for me. I spent most of my time with the girls. There were 15 of them ranging in age from 4 years to 17 years.  The kids had a six day weekend from school because of Mardi Gras so we had them with us all day. It felt like a summer camp, and like I was a cabin leader. We played hide- and-seek, head’s up 7-up, and don’t break the crystal ball. One morning Gretchen and I surprised the kids with a big pancake breakfast.

Hanging out with the girls :)

It was a very different experience to be at an orphanage with older kids. They were intelligent and responsible and would help take care of the little girls. One of the oldest girls, Blondine, let the little 4-year old sleep in her bed with her every night and would wake her up in the middle of the night to bring her to the bathroom so she wouldn’t wet the bed. I received more hugs and “I love you” during this week than I have in the last few years combined. I had a strong connection with the girls. Now that my Creole language skill are advancing, I’m able to hold conversations and get to know people better which I’m sure aided in falling in love with these girls!

Today I am flying back to Cap Haitian and will settle back into my home in Milot. I’m looking forward to my return. I've really missed my home there despite all of the wonderful experiences I’ve had away. The hospital re-opened yesterday. We have a new CEO and will be seeing some changes that I am excited about. The first team of volunteers comes next Friday so I have a week to organize things around the guest compound for them. Spending a week with Gretchen gave me a lot of tips on organization. She is a wiz at organization and I feel motivated to implement more structure for the visiting medical teams that come to Milot. I am also excited to visit baby Michelet. A week without seeing him feels like an eternity. My mom sent down some baby clothes and bottles with Gretchen and I am excited to deliver these things to his house.

I didn’t know how long the hospital closed or when I would be able to return to Milot. I didn’t know what to pack in my bags because I wasn’t sure where I would go or the things I would do. The beautiful nature of these past two weeks was that I was given exactly what I needed- even when I wasn’t aware of what those needs were. I had time away from responsibility, I held babies and kids, I worshiped with other Christians, I saw an old friend, and I ate cereal and pancakes. My needs are continually met in Haiti and it’s something that I can only give God the glory forJ .